Tedenceto's Blog

Author: Tedenceto

  • The Overthinking Trap: How to Quiet Your Mind and Reclaim Your Peace

    We’ve all been there: lying awake at 2 AM, replaying a conversation from three days ago, analyzing every word choice, every facial expression, wondering if we said the wrong thing. Or perhaps you’re standing in the grocery store, paralyzed by the decision between two brands of pasta sauce, your mind spiraling through endless scenarios about which choice is “right.”

    Welcome to the world of overthinking, where your brain becomes both the prison and the warden.

    What Is Overthinking, Really?

    Overthinking is the habit of dwelling on thoughts, decisions, or situations to an excessive degree. It’s when your mind gets stuck in an exhausting loop, examining problems from every conceivable angle without ever reaching a satisfying conclusion. While careful thought can be valuable, overthinking crosses the line from helpful reflection into harmful rumination.

    There are generally two flavors of overthinking: ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Both rob you of the present moment and neither actually solves the problems they obsess over.

    Why Do We Overthink?

    Our brains are designed to solve problems. It’s one of humanity’s greatest evolutionary advantages. But in our modern world, this problem-solving machinery can go into overdrive. We overthink because we care deeply about making the right choices, avoiding mistakes, and protecting ourselves from potential pain or embarrassment.

    Perfectionism often fuels overthinking. When we believe there’s one perfect answer or outcome, we torture ourselves trying to find it. Fear of failure or judgment keeps us trapped in endless mental simulations, as if thinking about something enough times will prevent it from going wrong.

    Sometimes overthinking is also a false sense of control. When life feels uncertain, our minds trick us into believing that if we just think hard enough, we can predict or prevent every negative outcome.

    The Real Cost of Overthinking

    The impact of chronic overthinking extends far beyond mental exhaustion. It can lead to decision paralysis, where you become so afraid of making the wrong choice that you make no choice at all. It drains your energy, leaving you feeling tired despite not having done anything physically demanding.

    Overthinking damages relationships too. When you’re constantly analyzing what others might be thinking or reading into their every action, you create problems that don’t actually exist. It also steals your joy. You can’t fully enjoy a moment when you’re too busy dissecting it or worrying about what comes next.

    Physically, the chronic stress from overthinking can manifest as headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, and sleep problems. Your body pays the price for your mind’s restlessness.

    Breaking Free: Practical Strategies

    The good news? You can learn to manage overthinking. Here are some approaches that actually work:

    Set a “worry window.” Give yourself a designated 15-20 minute period each day to overthink to your heart’s content. When intrusive thoughts arise outside this window, remind yourself you’ll address them during your scheduled time. Often, by the time that window arrives, the thoughts have lost their urgency.

    Practice the 10-10-10 rule. When facing a decision, ask yourself: How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years? This perspective shift helps you recognize which decisions truly matter and which ones your brain is inflating.

    Move your body. Physical activity interrupts rumination patterns. A walk, a workout, or even standing up and stretching can break the overthinking cycle by shifting your focus to physical sensations.

    Challenge your thoughts. When you catch yourself spiraling, ask: Is this thought helpful? Is it true? Am I confusing possibility with probability? Often our overthinking is based on worst-case scenarios that are extremely unlikely.

    Embrace “good enough.” Not every decision requires extensive deliberation. Practice making small decisions quickly (what to wear, what to eat for lunch) and accepting that “good enough” is often perfectly fine.

    Engage in mindfulness. Meditation and mindfulness practices train your brain to observe thoughts without getting caught up in them. You learn to notice when overthinking starts and gently redirect your attention to the present moment.

    The Power of Acceptance

    Perhaps the most liberating realization is this: you cannot think your way to certainty. Life is inherently uncertain, and no amount of mental gymnastics will change that. Some decisions won’t have clear right or wrong answers. Some situations will remain ambiguous. Some outcomes will be beyond your control.

    And that’s okay.

    Learning to sit with uncertainty, to make peace with not knowing, to trust yourself to handle whatever comes: these are the real antidotes to overthinking. It’s not about never thinking deeply or carefully considering important matters. It’s about recognizing when thinking has stopped being productive and started being destructive.

    Your mind is a powerful tool, but you are not your thoughts. You have the ability to observe them, question them, and choose which ones deserve your energy. The conversation in your head doesn’t have to be a tyrant. It can be a companion, one you’ve learned to manage with compassion and wisdom.

    So the next time you find yourself caught in the overthinking spiral, take a breath. Remind yourself that this moment, right now, is the only one you can truly inhabit. Everything else is just your mind trying to protect you in the only way it knows how. Thank it for trying, and then gently, firmly, bring yourself back to now.

    Because life isn’t happening in your head. It’s happening all around you, waiting for you to show up and experience it.

  • A Perfect Day

    The morning arrives gently, with sunlight filtering through curtains at exactly the right moment – not jarring, but a soft invitation to consciousness. The air carries that particular quality of freshness that makes breathing feel deliberate and satisfying. There’s nowhere urgent to be.

    Coffee tastes exactly right today. Not because of any special beans or technique, but because there’s time to actually taste it. Steam rises in lazy spirals while you sit by a window, watching the world wake up at its own pace. Maybe there’s rain pattering against the glass, or maybe sunshine is painting everything gold – both feel equally perfect in this moment.

    The day unfolds without rigid structure but with pleasant purpose. Perhaps it’s a long walk through familiar streets that suddenly reveal new details you’d never noticed – an intricate doorway, a hidden garden, the way light plays on old brick. Or maybe it’s diving into that project you’ve been meaning to start, the one that serves no purpose except bringing you joy. Hours slip by unnoticed as you lose yourself in creating, fixing, learning, or simply being.

    Lunch is something simple but deeply satisfying. Fresh bread, good cheese, a perfectly ripe tomato – foods that remind you that the best pleasures are often the most basic ones. You eat slowly, maybe outside, maybe while reading something you’ve been saving for just such an occasion.

    The afternoon might bring unexpected good news – a message from an old friend, a small windfall, a problem solving itself. Or perhaps nothing remarkable happens at all, and that becomes remarkable in itself: the luxury of an uninterrupted stretch of time that belongs entirely to you.

    Evening arrives with the satisfaction of gentle tiredness, the kind that comes from a day well-lived rather than endured. Dinner is shared with someone who makes you laugh, or enjoyed in comfortable solitude with a favorite album playing. The food is exactly what you were craving, even if you didn’t know it until it appeared.

    The day winds down naturally. Maybe there’s a bath with a book, or a walk under stars, or simply sitting in soft lamplight while time moves like honey. When sleep finally calls, it’s with the promise of easy rest, pulling you under like a warm tide.

    A perfect day isn’t about grand gestures or checking off accomplishments. It’s about alignment – when what you need, what you want, and what you have all temporarily sync up. It’s a day where you feel fully present in your own life, neither reaching backward nor forward, but resting completely in the now.

  • When the Flame Goes Out: Understanding and Recovering from Burnout

    You used to jump out of bed, ready to tackle the day. Now the alarm feels like an enemy, and the thought of another day doing the same things makes you want to pull the covers over your head. The work you once found meaningful feels pointless. The energy you once had seems to have evaporated. You’re not depressed exactly, but you’re not yourself either. This might be burnout.

    Burnout is what happens when chronic stress goes unchecked for too long. It’s not just being tired after a long week – it’s a bone-deep exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix. It’s not just being frustrated with a difficult project – it’s feeling cynical about everything you once cared about. It’s not just having an off day – it’s feeling like you’re running on empty for weeks or months on end.

    The tricky thing about burnout is how it sneaks up on you. It doesn’t announce itself with fanfare. Instead, it builds gradually. First, you start working a little later to catch up. Then you skip lunch to get more done. You tell yourself it’s temporary, just until this project ends or that deadline passes. But there’s always another project, another deadline. The temporary becomes permanent, and before you know it, you’re running on fumes.

    Our culture often glorifies this kind of relentless pushing. We celebrate people who work 80-hour weeks, who never take vacations, who are always “on.” We mistake exhaustion for dedication and burnout for ambition. But there’s nothing admirable about working yourself into the ground. A candle that burns at both ends might give more light, but it also burns out twice as fast.

    The symptoms of burnout extend beyond just feeling tired. You might find yourself becoming cynical or negative about things you used to enjoy. Physical symptoms can appear too – headaches, stomach issues, changes in sleep patterns. Your relationships might suffer as you have less patience and energy for the people in your life. You might notice yourself making more mistakes or struggling to concentrate on tasks that used to be easy.

    Recovery from burnout isn’t as simple as taking a weekend off. It requires examining the patterns that got you there in the first place. Sometimes it means setting boundaries you’ve never set before. Sometimes it means disappointing people who have gotten used to you saying yes to everything. Sometimes it means admitting that you’re human and have limits – something that shouldn’t be revolutionary but often feels that way.

    Start small. You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Maybe it’s committing to actually taking your lunch break. Maybe it’s putting your phone in another room after 8 PM. Maybe it’s saying no to one additional commitment this week. These might seem like tiny changes, but they add up. You’re essentially teaching yourself a new way of being in the world – one where your worth isn’t tied to your productivity.

    It’s also important to reconnect with things that bring you joy outside of achievement. Remember hobbies? Those things you used to do just because they were fun? Whether it’s reading fiction, playing music, gardening, or just sitting in a park watching clouds, make time for activities that have no goal other than enjoyment. Your brain needs these periods of non-productive pleasure to restore itself.

    Talk to someone about what you’re experiencing. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or a mentor, putting words to your experience can help you process it and feel less alone. Many people have been where you are. There’s no shame in struggling with burnout – if anything, it shows you cared enough to give your all. Now you need to learn to save some of that care for yourself.

    Organizations and managers have a role to play too. Burnout isn’t just an individual problem – it’s often a systemic one. Workplaces that constantly operate in crisis mode, that understaff teams, that reward overwork, create the perfect conditions for burnout. Real change requires both individual boundaries and structural shifts in how we think about work.

    If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself, know that burnout isn’t permanent. The flame that’s gone out can be rekindled, but it requires patience and gentleness with yourself. You might need to move more slowly for a while. You might need to do less. That’s not weakness – that’s wisdom.

    Recovery from burnout is also an opportunity. It’s a chance to reassess what really matters to you, to build a life that’s sustainable rather than just impressive. It’s an invitation to create better boundaries, to prioritize your wellbeing, to remember that you’re a human being, not a human doing.

    The path back from burnout isn’t always linear. There will be days when you feel energized and days when you slide back into old patterns. That’s normal. Healing takes time. But with each small choice to protect your energy, to honor your limits, to treat yourself with compassion, you’re building a different way forward.

    You don’t have to burn out to be valuable. You don’t have to exhaust yourself to be worthy. Your worth exists independent of your output. Learning to believe that – really believe it – might be the most important work you ever do.

  • Mindset Quote

    The mind that opens to a new possibility never returns to its original size – but it’s your choice whether to stretch or stay comfortable.

  • The Quiet Power of Real Confidence

    Confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room or having all the answers. Real confidence runs deeper than that—it’s the steady belief that you can handle whatever comes your way, even when you’re not sure how.

    Most of us think confidence means never feeling uncertain or afraid. But that’s not true. Confident people feel those things too. The difference is they don’t let those feelings stop them. They’ve learned that doubt is just another feeling passing through, not a verdict on their abilities.

    Building confidence is surprisingly simple, though not always easy. It starts with keeping the promises you make to yourself. Did you say you’d exercise today? Do it, even if it’s just for ten minutes. Were you going to finally send that email? Send it. Each kept promise, no matter how small, builds evidence that you’re someone who follows through.

    Another cornerstone of confidence is accepting that failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s part of the path to it. When you stop treating mistakes as disasters and start seeing them as data, you free yourself to try more things. And trying more things means getting better at more things, which naturally builds confidence.

    Perhaps most importantly, confidence grows when you stop comparing your inside to everyone else’s outside. That person who seems to have it all together? They have doubts too. They just learned not to let those doubts make their decisions for them.

    Real confidence whispers rather than shouts. It shows up as the willingness to ask questions when you don’t understand something, the ability to celebrate others’ successes without feeling diminished, and the courage to try again after things don’t go as planned.

    You don’t need to feel confident to act confident. Sometimes the feeling follows the action. Take the first step while your knees are shaking. Speak up even when your voice wavers. The more you practice acting with confidence, the more natural it becomes.

    Confidence isn’t a destination you reach and then you’re done. It’s a practice, renewed daily through small acts of courage and self-trust. Start where you are, with what you have. That’s always enough.

  • The Truth About Success Nobody Talks About (And Why That’s Actually Good News)

    Published: January 20, 2025 | 6 minute read

    Hey friend,

    Can we talk about something real for a minute?

    Yesterday, I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, watching this guy at the next table absolutely crushing it on what looked like a business call. Designer clothes, latest MacBook, talking about million-dollar deals. And there I was, in my three-year-old hoodie, wondering if I should splurge on the large coffee instead of the medium.

    You know what’s funny? Five years ago, I would’ve spiraled into comparison mode. Today? I just smiled and went back to writing. Because here’s what I’ve learned about success that nobody really talks about…

    Success Isn’t What We Think It Is

    We’ve been sold this idea that success looks like that guy in the coffee shop. The corner office, the six-figure salary, the Instagram-worthy lifestyle. But after years of chasing that definition and talking to hundreds of people about their journeys, I’ve discovered something that changed everything for me.

    Success is deeply, profoundly personal.

    For my neighbor Sarah, success is being able to work part-time so she can be there when her kids get home from school. For my college roommate, it’s finally finishing that novel he’s been writing for ten years. For my mom, it was going back to school at 55 and getting her degree.

    None of these fit the traditional “success story” we see in motivational videos with dramatic music and sports cars. But every single one of them required more courage, determination, and genuine motivation than any corporate ladder climb.

    The Messy Middle Nobody Posts About

    Here’s what Instagram doesn’t show you about success – it’s messy. Like, really messy.

    Each time I quit doing something, I felt like a failure. But here’s the plot twist – every single one of those “failed” attempts taught me something crucial.

    Each “failure” wasn’t really a failure at all. It was just me figuring out what success actually meant to me, not what I thought it should mean.

    The 3 A.M. Reality Check

    Want to know when I had my biggest breakthrough about success? At 3 a.m. on a random Tuesday, stress-eating cereal in my kitchen.

    I couldn’t sleep because I was anxious about not being “further along” in life. You know that feeling, right? When everyone else seems to be hitting milestones and you’re just… there?

    But then I asked myself something that changed everything: “Further along to WHERE exactly?”

    I realized I was racing toward a destination I never actually chose. I was following someone else’s map, wondering why I kept ending up in places that didn’t feel like home.

    What Actually Motivates Us (Hint: It’s Not What You Think)

    We think we’re motivated by the big things – the promotion, the recognition, the achievement. But when I really paid attention to what kept me going during the tough days, it was never the big picture. It was tiny, almost silly things:

    • The way my coffee tastes when I’m working on something I care about
    • That one comment from a reader saying a post helped them
    • The feeling of deleting a task off my to-do list (seriously, so satisfying)
    • My cat sitting on my lap while I write (even though she’s absolutely destroying my typing speed)

    These micro-motivations are what actually fuel success. They’re the breadcrumbs that keep us moving forward when the big goal feels impossible.

    The Permission Slip You’ve Been Waiting For

    So here’s what I want you to know, and maybe what you need to hear today:

    You have permission to redefine success.

    You have permission to want different things than your parents wanted for you. You have permission to change direction, even if you’re already halfway down a path. You have permission to value happiness over hustle, peace over profit, meaning over money.

    That doesn’t make you lazy or unambitious. It makes you brave enough to live your own life instead of performing someone else’s version of it.

    The Practice That Changed Everything

    Want to know what really shifted things for me? I started what I call the “Small Wins Journal.” Every night, I write down three small wins from the day. And I mean SMALL:

    • “Responded to that email I was avoiding”
    • “Chose water instead of another coffee”
    • “Actually made my bed”
    • “Had a genuine laugh with a stranger”

    After doing this for a month, I realized something profound – I was succeeding every single day. Not in the big, flashy ways that make good LinkedIn posts, but in the small, real ways that actually build a life worth living.

    Your Success Might Be Quiet (And That’s Beautiful)

    Maybe your success won’t come with a press release. Maybe it won’t get a thousand likes. Maybe it looks like:

    • Finally setting boundaries with that draining friend
    • Saving up for that trip you’ve been dreaming about
    • Learning to cook your grandmother’s recipe
    • Having the courage to go to therapy
    • Starting that small business, even if it only ever stays small
    • Choosing to rest when you need it
    • Saying “no” to opportunities that don’t align with your values

    These quiet successes? They’re the ones that actually change your life. They’re the ones you feel in your bones. They’re the ones that matter when you’re lying in bed at night, asking yourself if you lived true to yourself today.

    The Plot Twist About Motivation

    Here’s something I wish someone had told me earlier: Motivation isn’t something you find and then have forever. It’s not a treasure you discover and put in your pocket.

    Motivation is more like a cat. (Stay with me here.)

    Sometimes it shows up purring at your door, ready to be your best friend. Other times, it’s nowhere to be found, probably napping under someone else’s porch. You can’t force it to come to you, but you can create the conditions that make it want to visit more often.

    For me, those conditions are:

    • Starting stupidly small (like, embarrassingly small)
    • Celebrating the tiniest progress
    • Surrounding myself with people who get it
    • Remembering that done is better than perfect
    • Being ridiculously kind to myself when I mess up

    What If You’re Already Successful?

    What if – and just consider this for a moment – you’re already more successful than you think?

    What if success isn’t ahead of you but already here, in:

    • The relationships you’ve built
    • The challenges you’ve survived
    • The kindness you’ve shown
    • The growth you’ve experienced
    • The times you got back up
    • The help you’ve given others
    • The moments you chose hope over cynicism

    What if success is less about reaching some finish line and more about how you’re running the race?

    Your Turn to Define It

    So here’s my challenge to you, friend. Not a pushy, motivational-speaker kind of challenge, but more like a gentle invitation from someone who’s been where you are:

    Take a moment today to ask yourself: What does success actually look like for YOU?

    Not for your parents, your partner, your past self, or that person you follow on social media. For you, right now, in this season of your life.

    Write it down. Make it real. Make it yours.

    And remember – if your definition of success is simply making it through today with a little bit of grace and maybe a good laugh? That counts. That absolutely counts.

    One Last Thing (Because This Matters)

    That guy in the coffee shop with the million-dollar deals? I ran into him in the parking lot. His car wouldn’t start, and he looked absolutely defeated. I offered to give him a jump start, and while we waited for his car to charge, he said something I’ll never forget:

    “You know, some days I wonder if all this hustle is worth it. I haven’t had dinner with my family in weeks.”

    Success without fulfillment is just a fancy form of failure. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

    So whatever your version of success looks like – whether it’s big and bold or quiet and content – own it. Chase it. Celebrate it.

    And remember, I’m here cheering you on, probably in my old hoodie, definitely with a medium coffee, absolutely believing in your journey.

    You’ve got this. Not because I’m telling you that you do, but because you already know, deep down, what success means to you. Now go make it happen, one small win at a time.

    With all the encouragement I can send through this screen.

    P.S. – If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your definition of success. Go check out my IG: @tedenceto_83.

  • Quote of the day

    What’s meant for you, it will always find you.

  • Motivation Day #1

    Today was a perfect day!